My Life in Christ: Being Renewed Day by Day

If there is one thing that I realized is that I definitely NEED to be renewed by the Lord day by day, moment by moment.  The Lord really shows me time and time again that all I can ever result into is into failure and nothing else.  He shows me that I need to just come to Him and to contact Him constantly. Lord, all the things I'm scared of doing, I'm doing right now.  I need to daily just come to You at all times in every situations.  I cannot stop snacking, I cannot stop binging, I cannot stop caring, I cannot let go.  I cannot anymore.  However, Praise You Lord! You are everything to me and You have already overcome all things.

"For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has freed me from the law of sin and death." Romans 8:2
Praise You I no longer need to struggle and strive any longer.  This isn't about my resolutions or goals being too hard but it is truly about the law.  Thank you Lord that although I naturally have sin inside of me and have the flesh, that now after receiving Your life into me the law of the Spirit of life has freed me.  I no longer need to be under the bondage of the law of sin and death.

"In God’s design all of us who are His chosen people have to go through sufferings. There is no exception to this because He wants us to be a new creation. He wants us to be transferred from the realm of the old creation into the realm of the new creation."The context of 2 Corinthians 4:16, which says that our inward man is being renewed day by day, shows us that this renewing takes place through sufferings. Paul called the sufferings that he passed through “the putting to death of Jesus.” In 4:10-11 Paul said, “Always bearing about in the body the putting to death of Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be manifested in our body. For we who live are always being delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be manifested in our mortal flesh.” According to the Greek, “the putting to death” is “the killing.” The killing of Jesus means that Jesus kills us, puts us to death, all the time. Putting to death here equals the cross. 
Thank you Lord that I am under the killing of the cross every day.  I die everyday so I can be renewed everyday also. The more I die, the more your life gets expressed through me.Keep killing me daily that I might only express You and you alone. 
"In 2 Corinthians 4:16 that we do not lose heart, we are not discouraged, and we are not disappointed. This is because “our momentary lightness of affliction works out for us, more and more surpassingly, an eternal weight of glory” (v. 17). The suffering that we pass through to be renewed does not compare with the glory of our being new. Actually, the Christian life is not a suffering life. The Christian life is a life of being renewed day by day. Still, this renewing is by suffering. "  

My Life in Christ: Letting Go

Today, I struggle.  It is so difficult sometimes for me to completely let go of things I care about, and right now the thing that is completely occupying my being is my weight, constant snacking, and my food addiction.  About two days ago, I basically kind of binged and ate like 5 pieces of bread plus more, and it's taken a toll on my body, both physically and emotionally. It caused me to see a number on the scale that I thought I would never ever see again in my life.  Honestly, it scared me and I feel like the more I care and am unable to let go, the more I end up gaining weight and trying everything in my being to lose it off but to only gain more and more.  I want to let go.  I want to let go so badly.  I don't want my weight and food obsession control my life anymore.  No.  I'm done with this.  I can't deal with this anymore.  I need the Lord.  Only God will be able to help me to let go.  It doesn't mean to stop trying to eat healthy, but just giving the whole matter to the Lord.  Once I am able to let go, then the Lord will be able to move.  Right now, since I'm still holding on to this matter, the Lord is not able to do anything and cannot supply me with His unsearchable riches.  Why am I still holding on?! Lord, let me let go.  I cannot make it anymore, nor do I want to try anymore.  There is no hope for me to ever lose weight.  There is no hope for me to get rid of my food addiction.  But Praise You! Thank you Lord that you are interceding on my behalf, and that your overcoming life has overcome all things and all matters.  Yes Lord, I cannot do it, but You can.  You are the all inclusive one.  I no longer look at myself or anything that I am.  However, I turn my eyes toward You.  You are my true goal, and my everything.  I trust you will take care of this matter in my heart.  Keep my heart just so pure and soft towards You, to only want to lay hold of You and You alone.  Lord, I consecrate my body entirely to You.  No longer using it for my own purpose and my own fulfillment but giving it entirely to You Lord. 

But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God" (1 Cor. 6:11b). 
Thank you Lord that I no longer need to deal with my past anymore, but you washed and sanctified me and now I am justified in your name.  

"And you, though dead in your offenses and sins, in which you once walked according to the age of this world, according to the ruler of the authority of the air, of the spirit which is now operating in the sons of disobedience; among whom we also all conducted ourselves once in the lusts of our flesh, doing the desires of the flesh and of the thoughts, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest; but God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in offenses, made us alive together with Christ" (Eph. 2:1-5).
The Lord has such a mercy on us that even though we fail time and time again, just like how i fell in the matter of my eating, the Lord made me alive together with Him.  No more struggling, no more striving.  The Lord has taken care of it when He went on the cross and died and resurrected for us.  The Lord has terminated our old nature and everything that we were before, and has made us alive in Him!

. "This therefore I say and testify in the Lord, that you no longer walk as the Gentiles also walk in the vanity of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance which is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lasciviousness to work all uncleanness in greediness...that you put off, as regards your former manner of life, the old man, which is being corrupted according to the lusts of the deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind and put on the new man, which was created according to God in righteousness and holiness of the reality." Ephesians 4:17-24
The footnote of 21 for reality: The reality is in Jesus refers to the actual condition of the life of Jesus as recorded in the four Gospels. In the godless walk of the nations, the fallen people, there is vanity. But in the godly life of Jesus there is truth, reality. Jesus lived a life in which He did everything in God, with God, and for God. God was in His living, and He was one with God. This is what is meant by the reality is in Jesus. We, the believers, who are regenerated with Christ as our life and are taught in Him, learn from Him as the reality is in Jesus.

I'm so thankful because we can also live a life where everything is done in the Lord, with the Lord and for the Lord.  Lord, I just want to be one with You in the entirely.  I want to see that You are the one true reality and everything else is really such a shadow.  Everything else in life is vanity.  In the termination of the past by Watchmen Nee, it states, "God always draws our attention to the fact that our past sins are under the blood. We are fully forgiven and saved because the Lord Jesus has died for us. Our salvation is not based on how we deal with the past. Man is not saved by repentance for his past bad deeds, just as he is not saved by trusting in his past good deeds. Man is saved through the salvation accomplished by the Lord on the cross. "  Thank you Lord that we are forgiven for our past iniquities and that we no longer need to hold on to this fact of our past.  As long as we repent for our sins, God is faithful and will cleanse us of all our unrighteousness. 

My Life in Christ: God's Eternal Plan Part 1

My Life in Christ: God's Eternal Plan Part 1

I don't really know what to talk about today other than the fact that I just really need Jesus. I realized I am really just so weak without my God.  I got to go to Santa Barbara with all the other brother and sisters in the Church in Bakersfield and it was really so sweet just being in their presence.  However, one thing that I feel still sometimes occupies my being is my eating.  But I do not believe Satan's lies.  Sometimes it is quite difficult to control and not eat sweets especially, but I am realizing more everyday that The Lord is my supply and my everything.  I cannot do it.  The Lord has just really shown me that I am weak and nothing and without Him I won't be able to accomplish everything.  However, the one thing that really struck me is that He showed me that this isn't my true goal in life.  Losing weight and eating healthily isn't what I truly strive for, instead it is for Christ and the Church.  God's eternal purpose is to have a group of people who love Him and are built together as one Body which will eventually result into consummation at the New Jerusalem. This is ultimately for the marriage of the Church (this is us!) with the bridegroom (Christ!).  We are going to marry Christ in the future.  As crazy as this sounds, it is a wonderful plan that Christ has predetermined even before the foundation of the world.
"Even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and without blemish before Him in love, Predestinating us unto sonship through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will," Ephesians 1:4-5
The footnote for chose: "God's choosing is the first blessing that He bestowed on us.  His choosing is His selection.  From among numberless people He selected us, and this He did in Christ.  Christ was the sphere in which we were selected by God.  Outside of Christ we are not God's choice."
The footnote for Holy: Holy means not only sanctified, separated unto God, but also different, distinct, from everything that is common.  Only God is different, distinct, from all things.  Hence, He is holy: holiness is His nature.  He chose us that we should be holy. He makes us holy by imparting Himself, the Holy One, into our being, that our whole being may be permeated and saturated with His holy nature.  For us, God's chosen ones, to be holy is to partake of God's divine nature and to have our whole being permeated with God Himself."
Thank you Lord that You chose me before the foundation of the world.  Out of all people you could have chosen, You chose me.  I just want to be holy without blemish before You.  However, only You are the one that is the real Holy one.   Impart Yourself into me that I may be also holy and without blemish.  I know that in myself and in my natural man, I have no holiness whatsoever, but praise You Lord Jesus!  You permeated me with Yourself and saturated me with your entire being.  Yes I cannot make it, but Praise You for You are the one doing it in me and through me.  You are truly the All in All.  The alpha and the Omega, and the beginning and the end.  Your purpose on earth is so sweet.  Lord I am truly so happy that I get to be part of this divine purpose that you determined before the foundation of the world was even given.  Thank you I can become one of your many sons.
The footnote for sons: God's marking us out beforehand was to destine us unto sonship.  We were predestinated to be sons of God even before we were created.  Hence, as God's creaturese we need to be regenerated by Him that we may participate in His life to be His sons.  Sonship implies having not only the life but also the position of the son.  God's marked-out-ones have the life to be His sons and the position to inherit Him.  To be made holy--to be sanctified by God by His putting Himself into us and hten mingling His nature with us, is the process, the procedure, whereas to be sons of God is the aim, the goal, and is a matter of our being joined to the Son of God and conformed to a particular form or shape, the very image of the firstborn Son of God that our whole being, including our body may be sonsized by God. "
Thank you Lord we not only have your life but we also have the position of your son.  Becoming your son is my goal that Your whole being gets expressed through me. Sonsize me completely Lord that there is nothing of myself left.  No more I but Christ that lives in me.

Honestly, after touching the one true Christ and seeing this vision that The Lord has revealed to us (The Body of Christ), I can truly say that these silly matters such as my food and eating and weight loss or gain doesn't really matter anymore.  In the whole picture of it all, The Lord really shown me that this isn't the most important thing.  This isn't my true goal in life.  My true purpose is whatever God's eternal purpose is, and that is for us to receive the sonship and become totally permeated with Him that He becomes everything to us.  However, it doesn't stop there.  Christ is so wonderful in arranging His plan that He not only purposed for us to express Him in the whole, but also has a way that He wants to take, where eventually it will result into the consummation of the age, and end with the New Jerusalem and the marriage of the Bride and the Bridegroom.

ADDITIONAL VERSES:
"The mystery which has been hidden from the ages and from the generations but now has been manifested to His saints; To whom God willed to make known what are the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory, " Colossians 1:26-27

"If therefore you were raised together with Christ, seek the things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God.  Set your mind on the things which are above, not on the things which are on the earth.  For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.  When Christ our life is manifested, then you also will be manifested with Him in glory." Colossians 3:1-4
Footnote for life: Because our life (not our natural life, but our spiritual life, which is Christ) is hidden with Christ in God, who is in the heavens, we should no longer be concerned for things on the earth.  God in the heavens should be the sphere of our living.  With Christ we should live in God."

Since God's Eternal Plan is an immense and deep topic, I will continue with this for many days to come and hopefully God can impart something into me and give me and you all a deeper vision of what God's Eternal purpose really is.  Lord, show us such a vision of Your eternal purpose!

My Life in Christ: Goals for the Summer

As the first day of summer vacation officially started for me today, today also marks the first day of staying at home in Bakersfield.  It was great seeing my family and everything, but sometimes I really miss my alone time, especially with the Lord.  However, I can't let this be an excuse not to turn to the Lord, so right now, I'm determined to get into my Spirit.  Today was a pretty typical day at home, but it was cut short as we woke up pretty late. Typical routine of waking up, reading some ministry, etc., working out, cooking for the young people's meeting, and going to the young people's meeting.  However, as today winds down, I just realized throughout my busy day, I just need some personal intimate time with my Lord.  I don't want God to be my mom's God or someone else's God, but I just want God to be MY God.  Thus, starting my goals I want for this summer before it ends and it's too late for anything.  
1) Enjoy the Lord day by day, moment by day.
2) Read the Bible every day--Set a daily reading schedule, possibly follow the reading schedule with UCR.
3) Lose 20 lbs before leaving to pittsburgh.
Lord, you really need to deal with this issue of my weight and other insecurities, and food obsession.  Yes, I am over it 99% of the time, but sometimes Satan likes to attack me and tell me that it's not over, and that I still have a binge eating disorder, and gets me to relapse back into it.  However, bind the enemy! Lord I won't believe Satan's lies to me anymore! You have overcome and defeated him!!! Although I cannot do it and will never be able to make it on my own, Praise the Lord that You have overcome all things.  If you can overcome death, then what small thing it is for You to overcome my eating situation and more.  Lord, you are good.  I trust in You completely and absolutely because You ARE.  You are everything I need and You daily supply me with Yourself.  Honestly Lord You are all that I really strive and need.  There is nothing else I desire on earth than You.  
4) Let go of the past and strive towards the goal, which is Christ Himself.
Lord I sometimes don't know how to let go of the past and keep remembering what happened before but Lord have mercy on me. I just need You.  
5) Stop biting my nails.  
This is just a bad habit that makes me sick, and it increases in frequency especially when I'm stressed.  Lord, cause me to see that no other one can destress me than You alone. 
"For those who are according to the flesh mind the things of the flesh; but those who are according to spirit, the things of the Spirit.  For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the spirit is life and peace." Romans 8:5-6 This reminds me definitely of the young people meeting which talks about clearance of the past (from the book Experience of Life by Witness Lee)
"What are the things of the past that need to be cleared away after we are saved? What are the objects which must be ended and cleared up? Altogether there are four categories: 1) unrighteous matters, 2) improper matters, 3) evil and unclean matters, 4) old ways of living. "
The old way of living ends with the old life, and the new way of living begins with the new life. Thus man has changed to a new human living. It can be said, therefore, that what really wrecks the old manner of living is the salvation of the Lord. Whoever receives the Lord’s salvation has his old human living wrecked and terminated, and his new human living begun and being built up.How then should we regard the ending of the old human living and the beginning of the new? We are not saying that after a person is regenerated he should change his present occupation—stop going to school, close his business, ignore caring for his family—and go out preaching. The ending of the old human living means that after a person is regenerated, he may continue in his original profession, provided that it is proper, but the taste within him is changed, his mood is changed, and his feeling is changed. No matter what a person does before he is regenerated, his taste, his mood, and his feeling are all toward the world, all desiring to accomplish something in the world. The more he works, the more he relishes his work and the deeper he enters into it. But after regeneration, when God’s life enters into him, that taste within him becomes tasteless, that mood is changed, and his feeling is also changed. He even has a different taste for eating, clothing, and other daily necessities. In this sense, his old way of living is ended, and his old life comes to a conclusion.
Although this ending of the old way of living is a preliminary experience of a Christian, yet it has a deep effect upon his future walk with the Lord. When our old way of living comes to an end, our ambition and interest in the world are changed, our estimation and point of view toward men and all matters are also changed, and our purpose in life is different than before. Thus we can escape from all anxieties, leave all our burdens behind, and run the race in the way of the Lord.  
III. THE BASIS OF THE CLEARANCE OF THE PAST

The clearance of the past is not based on the demand of outward regulations, but on the sense of life within.How far should we go in putting an end to the things of the past? To what degree should we proceed? The degree is expressed in Romans 8:6 as “life and peace.”The witness of life and peace within is not sufficient, of course, to prove that all our past which needs to be cleared up has already been dealt with. It only indicates that we have attended to everything according to the demand of our inner feeling. It is possible that later, when our life has grown and our feeling increased, we will feel there is more which needs to be put to an end. " --Experience of Life by Witness Lee

6) Keep me turning to the Lord and not to backslide (like spring break),and not fear going back to how I was before.  
"Do not be afraid, for I am with you;/ Do not be dismayed, for I am your God./ I will strengthen you; surely I will help you;/ Surely I will uphold you with the right hand of My righteousness." Isaiah 41:10
7) Deeper experiences of Christ, and love Him with my entire being.

My Life in Christ: Forgetting the Things Behind and Stretching Forward to the Things Before Reminiscing about My College Years at UC Riverside~

As I start to pack away all my things in my Riverside home, I start to reminisce about the past and my life spent here in Riverside.  Although college wasn't always pleasant, or even exciting, yet there is still somewhat a hint of longing and rememberence of my time in Riverside.  One thing I know is that the years spent in the sister's house for two years and the one year with my roommate Angela (also a sister) was never in vain.  All the time I have given for the Lord, He really supplied and provided me everything I needed.  It was always so sweet that the Lord was able to really gain my heart back for Him and utterly and entirely for Him alone.  Coming to Riverside, I had a "boyfriend" and after we broke up, I started this mass "dating" if you can even call it that where I would even cuddle with lots of different guys.  In the world, this doesn't seem bad whatsoever, but looking back now, I feel guilty.  The Lord really touched my innermost being to show me that this kind of touchy feely relationship with guys was not proper.  How can I say that I love the Lord and my heart is utterly for Him when I go around messing with lots of different guys at a time?! Especially when none of them are my boyfriend.  A sister once told me that messing with those guys meant you were messing with someone's husband, and that really struck me.  How would I feel if some random girl was messing with my husband.  Anyways, after my 2nd year of college, the Lord completely broke me down.  He showed me that there is no satisfaction in a relationship that was based on lust and flesh, and that there was no reason for me to go on in trying or attempting to find someone to complete me and fill my lack.  Christ showed me that the only thing that could fill my hunger was Himself.  Nothing and no one else would be able to satisfy my heart deep within.  This reminds me of the song, Jesus Lord, my Best Love Thou Art
Jesus Lord, my best love Thou art,
Thou hast fully captured my heart;
There is none in heav’n nor on earth like Thee,
With Thy beauty none can compete.
When Thy voice first came to my ear,
Whisp’ring in my heart words most dear,
All past loves and aims lost their charm for me,
All my boasts so vain now appear. Throughout all the world, who compares with Thee?
Who so full of worth, who so fair and sweet?
Only Thou art worthy my love to win,
O Lord Jesus, how I love Thee!

No more I who live, no more self-deceived,
No more in the self’s world indulged to be,
Deep within I know You’re my only love,
My best love is none else but Thee!

Source: http://www.hymnal.net/en/hymn/ns/351#ixzz3540K6XCr

This song is really so sweet and really showed me that the Lord is our first and our best love and there is no other one like Him.  Anyways, back to the story.  After my second year when I was utterly broken down and my natural man was terminated over and over again, the Lord had mercy on me and gained me back for His economy and His purpose. In my third and last year of college, God captured my heart back again to Himself.  However, now it's time.  It's time to move on with my life, to strive on towards the goal, for Christ and the Church.  
Brothers, I do not account of myself to have laid hold; but one thing I do: Forgetting the things which are behind and stretching forward to the things which are before.  I pursue toward the goal for the prize to which God in Christ Jesus has called me upward. Philippians 3:13-14
           Footnote for not: Paul had experienced and gained Christ tremendously, yet he did not account of himself to have experienced Christ in full or gained Him to the uttermost.  He still endeavored to pursue toward the goal--the gaining of Christ to the fullest extent. 
           Footnote for reveal: The pursuing of Christ MUST be our goal.  We should not be otherwise minded.  God reveals to us that we need such a mind, a mind focused on the pursuing of Christ.  He desires to continually adjust our mind, turning it toward Christ as the center.  

Lord, I still cannot and I will never be able to, but I consecrate my entire being especially this summer to you.  Lord, don't let my heart be troubled, but instead draw me so much closer to You and constantly let me enjoy you day by day, moment by moment.  Lord, you are so good to me.  You are so rich and so pure.  Lord, keep my heart just utterly for You.  Show me that my goal is God Himself, not peace nor joy.  Lord, show me that there is none other that can attract like You.  Lord, draw me, I will run after you. Draw me with your beautiful self, your amazing beauty, and your care that is like no other.  No other one can satisfy like You.  Lord, keep my heart soft and pure for You.  My best love is really none else but Thee. 

My Life in Christ: Thankfulness

 

I have not written in this blog in a while, but I figured I would start up again before I go back to school and resume my busy lifestyle and schedule.  Today, I want to address the topic thankfulness.  The Lord has been so faithful to me in everything that He has sovereignly arranged for me.  For example, today, I had the AAAS science meeting where I presented my poster, and then I went to office hours afterwards for my BCH 110C class.  For that class, I was anxiously waiting because I had failed the last final with a 52% when the average was an 83%.  I was very worried since I wasn't sure what to do, but I gave it to the Lord, and He took care of everything :) I went to the office hours, hopefully going to get some points back, and told the T.A's my situation about my graduation and pharmacy school, and they regraded my test and gave me a 70%! (And overall I ended up with a B- instead of a C+ or even C) That was really the Lord.  He was so faithful in providing for me even throughout my anxiety and took care of my situations.  It just shows that we don't need to be worried in whatever we do because the Lord will arrange the entire world for us.  Even if we think we don't deserve it.  However, it honestly doesn't matter what we think because the LORD is the sovereign one arranging everything for us.  It reminds me of a portion I read in the life studies by Witness Lee: "As long as you  are one of God's called ones, He will take care of you whether or not you believe in Him or trust in Him.  Our Father is real adn faithful.  Regardless of whether the economy of the world is good or bad, God takes care of us.  Everything is under his dispensation.  He manages the whole world just for us.  We must all believe that God manages the entire universe for every one of us.  You may say, 'How small I am! How could the sovereign God manage the universe just for me? But He DOES manage it just for you.  You must believe this.  You are Not so small that God does not sovereignty arrange your environment for you." Genesis Life Study 42

Thank you Lord you are so sovereign and takes care of me even when I don't believe or trust in You at all.  Even if it is a negative situation, or even positive situation, I want to thank you for everything good and bad. Thank you Lord your grace is so sufficient for me.  Thank you Lord that you are the one working and living out of me.  Lord, I just want to continue to come to You and just simply enjoy You day by day, moment by moment.  Lord, You really are so sweet and so loving to me.  
"For Jehovah is good; His lovingkindness is forever,/ And His faithfulness is to all generations." Psalms 100:5
James 1:2-4 
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.


Psalms 28:7
Jehovah is my strength and my shield/my heart trust in Him, and I am helped;/ Therefore my heart exults;/ and with my song do I give thanks to Him."
Romans 15:13 
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Thank you Lord I can just trust in You since you fill me with joy and peace.  My hope is in You.
Thank you Lord for the mountains.  Thank you Lord for the valleys.  Thank you Lord for the storms you brought me through. This is similar to the song I enjoyed by Selah.  It is called Through It All.
I felt like this year the Lord was so faithful and brought me through all my mountains and my valleys.  He brought me out of Egypt and into the good land.  Praise Him!

Through It All by Selah
I've had questions for tomorrow
There've been times I didn't know right from wrong
But in every situation
God gave blessed consolation
That my trials only come to make me strong
And I've seen so many faces
But there've been times I've felt so all alone
But in that lonely hour
In that precious, lonely hour
Jesus let me know I was His own
Through it all
I've learned to trust in Jesus
I've learned to trust in God
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to depend upon His Word
And I thank Him for the valleys
I thank Him for the storms He's brought me through
Cause if I never had a problem
I wouldn't know that He could solve them
I wouldn't know what faith in His Word could do
Through it all
I've learned to trust in Jesus
I've learned to trust in God
Through it all
Through it all
I've learned to depend upon His Word
Yes, I've learned to depend upon His Word
I've learned to depend upon His Word