Today, I struggle. It is so difficult sometimes for me to completely let go of things I care about, and right now the thing that is completely occupying my being is my weight, constant snacking, and my food addiction. About two days ago, I basically kind of binged and ate like 5 pieces of bread plus more, and it's taken a toll on my body, both physically and emotionally. It caused me to see a number on the scale that I thought I would never ever see again in my life. Honestly, it scared me and I feel like the more I care and am unable to let go, the more I end up gaining weight and trying everything in my being to lose it off but to only gain more and more. I want to let go. I want to let go so badly. I don't want my weight and food obsession control my life anymore. No. I'm done with this. I can't deal with this anymore. I need the Lord. Only God will be able to help me to let go. It doesn't mean to stop trying to eat healthy, but just giving the whole matter to the Lord. Once I am able to let go, then the Lord will be able to move. Right now, since I'm still holding on to this matter, the Lord is not able to do anything and cannot supply me with His unsearchable riches. Why am I still holding on?! Lord, let me let go. I cannot make it anymore, nor do I want to try anymore. There is no hope for me to ever lose weight. There is no hope for me to get rid of my food addiction. But Praise You! Thank you Lord that you are interceding on my behalf, and that your overcoming life has overcome all things and all matters. Yes Lord, I cannot do it, but You can. You are the all inclusive one. I no longer look at myself or anything that I am. However, I turn my eyes toward You. You are my true goal, and my everything. I trust you will take care of this matter in my heart. Keep my heart just so pure and soft towards You, to only want to lay hold of You and You alone. Lord, I consecrate my body entirely to You. No longer using it for my own purpose and my own fulfillment but giving it entirely to You Lord.
But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God" (1 Cor. 6:11b).
Thank you Lord that I no longer need to deal with my past anymore, but you washed and sanctified me and now I am justified in your name.
"And you, though dead in your offenses and sins, in which you once walked according to the age of this world, according to the ruler of the authority of the air, of the spirit which is now operating in the sons of disobedience; among whom we also all conducted ourselves once in the lusts of our flesh, doing the desires of the flesh and of the thoughts, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest; but God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in offenses, made us alive together with Christ" (Eph. 2:1-5).
The Lord has such a mercy on us that even though we fail time and time again, just like how i fell in the matter of my eating, the Lord made me alive together with Him. No more struggling, no more striving. The Lord has taken care of it when He went on the cross and died and resurrected for us. The Lord has terminated our old nature and everything that we were before, and has made us alive in Him!
. "This therefore I say and testify in the Lord, that you no longer walk as the Gentiles also walk in the vanity of their mind, being darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance which is in them, because of the hardness of their heart; who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lasciviousness to work all uncleanness in greediness...that you put off, as regards your former manner of life, the old man, which is being corrupted according to the lusts of the deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind and put on the new man, which was created according to God in righteousness and holiness of the reality." Ephesians 4:17-24
The footnote of 21 for reality: The reality is in Jesus refers to the actual condition of the life of Jesus as recorded in the four Gospels. In the godless walk of the nations, the fallen people, there is vanity. But in the godly life of Jesus there is truth, reality. Jesus lived a life in which He did everything in God, with God, and for God. God was in His living, and He was one with God. This is what is meant by the reality is in Jesus. We, the believers, who are regenerated with Christ as our life and are taught in Him, learn from Him as the reality is in Jesus.
I'm so thankful because we can also live a life where everything is done in the Lord, with the Lord and for the Lord. Lord, I just want to be one with You in the entirely. I want to see that You are the one true reality and everything else is really such a shadow. Everything else in life is vanity. In the termination of the past by Watchmen Nee, it states, "God always draws our attention to the fact that our past sins are under the blood. We are fully forgiven and saved because the Lord Jesus has died for us. Our salvation is not based on how we deal with the past. Man is not saved by repentance for his past bad deeds, just as he is not saved by trusting in his past good deeds. Man is saved through the salvation accomplished by the Lord on the cross. " Thank you Lord that we are forgiven for our past iniquities and that we no longer need to hold on to this fact of our past. As long as we repent for our sins, God is faithful and will cleanse us of all our unrighteousness.
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