My Life in Christ: Forgetting the Things Behind and Stretching Forward to the Things Before Reminiscing about My College Years at UC Riverside~

As I start to pack away all my things in my Riverside home, I start to reminisce about the past and my life spent here in Riverside.  Although college wasn't always pleasant, or even exciting, yet there is still somewhat a hint of longing and rememberence of my time in Riverside.  One thing I know is that the years spent in the sister's house for two years and the one year with my roommate Angela (also a sister) was never in vain.  All the time I have given for the Lord, He really supplied and provided me everything I needed.  It was always so sweet that the Lord was able to really gain my heart back for Him and utterly and entirely for Him alone.  Coming to Riverside, I had a "boyfriend" and after we broke up, I started this mass "dating" if you can even call it that where I would even cuddle with lots of different guys.  In the world, this doesn't seem bad whatsoever, but looking back now, I feel guilty.  The Lord really touched my innermost being to show me that this kind of touchy feely relationship with guys was not proper.  How can I say that I love the Lord and my heart is utterly for Him when I go around messing with lots of different guys at a time?! Especially when none of them are my boyfriend.  A sister once told me that messing with those guys meant you were messing with someone's husband, and that really struck me.  How would I feel if some random girl was messing with my husband.  Anyways, after my 2nd year of college, the Lord completely broke me down.  He showed me that there is no satisfaction in a relationship that was based on lust and flesh, and that there was no reason for me to go on in trying or attempting to find someone to complete me and fill my lack.  Christ showed me that the only thing that could fill my hunger was Himself.  Nothing and no one else would be able to satisfy my heart deep within.  This reminds me of the song, Jesus Lord, my Best Love Thou Art
Jesus Lord, my best love Thou art,
Thou hast fully captured my heart;
There is none in heav’n nor on earth like Thee,
With Thy beauty none can compete.
When Thy voice first came to my ear,
Whisp’ring in my heart words most dear,
All past loves and aims lost their charm for me,
All my boasts so vain now appear. Throughout all the world, who compares with Thee?
Who so full of worth, who so fair and sweet?
Only Thou art worthy my love to win,
O Lord Jesus, how I love Thee!

No more I who live, no more self-deceived,
No more in the self’s world indulged to be,
Deep within I know You’re my only love,
My best love is none else but Thee!

Source: http://www.hymnal.net/en/hymn/ns/351#ixzz3540K6XCr

This song is really so sweet and really showed me that the Lord is our first and our best love and there is no other one like Him.  Anyways, back to the story.  After my second year when I was utterly broken down and my natural man was terminated over and over again, the Lord had mercy on me and gained me back for His economy and His purpose. In my third and last year of college, God captured my heart back again to Himself.  However, now it's time.  It's time to move on with my life, to strive on towards the goal, for Christ and the Church.  
Brothers, I do not account of myself to have laid hold; but one thing I do: Forgetting the things which are behind and stretching forward to the things which are before.  I pursue toward the goal for the prize to which God in Christ Jesus has called me upward. Philippians 3:13-14
           Footnote for not: Paul had experienced and gained Christ tremendously, yet he did not account of himself to have experienced Christ in full or gained Him to the uttermost.  He still endeavored to pursue toward the goal--the gaining of Christ to the fullest extent. 
           Footnote for reveal: The pursuing of Christ MUST be our goal.  We should not be otherwise minded.  God reveals to us that we need such a mind, a mind focused on the pursuing of Christ.  He desires to continually adjust our mind, turning it toward Christ as the center.  

Lord, I still cannot and I will never be able to, but I consecrate my entire being especially this summer to you.  Lord, don't let my heart be troubled, but instead draw me so much closer to You and constantly let me enjoy you day by day, moment by moment.  Lord, you are so good to me.  You are so rich and so pure.  Lord, keep my heart just utterly for You.  Show me that my goal is God Himself, not peace nor joy.  Lord, show me that there is none other that can attract like You.  Lord, draw me, I will run after you. Draw me with your beautiful self, your amazing beauty, and your care that is like no other.  No other one can satisfy like You.  Lord, keep my heart soft and pure for You.  My best love is really none else but Thee.