Our faith can move mountains

"And He said to them, Because of your little faith; for truly I say to you, If you have faith like a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, Move from here to there, and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you." Matt 17:20 

"And looking upon them, Jesus said to them, With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matt 19:26 

Footnote 1 for impossible: By our human life it is impossible to enter into the kingdom of the heavens, but it is possible by God's divine life, which is Christ Himself imparted into us so that we can live the kingdom life. By Christ, who empowers us to do all things, we can fulfill the requirements of the kingdom.

This week has been one of continual ups and downs, but I am realizing that my Lord is continually interceding for me. All the time.  Sometimes my faith is so small, but whenever I have no faith, I just remember the Lord's word.  With God, ALL things are possible.  Everything that God desires to do, He will accomplish through the life that is now dwelling in us.  Everyday although it might seem hard or exhausting, despite all the troubles and situations, the Lord continue shows us that Christ's life is imparted in us so we can live this Christian life. 

But what's the point of all the Christian life to live Christ and enjoy Him? It's not for ourselves to have a good and happy life, but it's for the Lord to gain His kingdom on this earth.   I really been appreciating this week that there are 3 wills in the universe: God's will, Satan's will, and human will. Praise the Lord that He gave us a will to choose.  The spiritual warfare actually stems from the conflict between the divine will and the satanic will.  In the morning revival this week it states, "Although there were three wills, the controversy involved just two parties--God and Satan. The crucial issue was whether man would choose the divine will or the satanic will. If the human will stood with God's will, then God's will would be accomplished. But if the human will took sides with the satanic will, Satan's will would be carried out, at least temporarily. As we know man chose to follow Satan and sided with the satanic will. Therefore, Satan was victorious temporarily." The word I really appreciated in the paragraph was temporarily. Although it might have seemed that man chose Satan and Satan won that battle, but in the end, the Lord will gain His kingdom and His glory forever. No matter how much at that time man rebels and chooses Satan's will at that time, the Lord knows how to properly deal with every single one of his children until they fully submit to Him.  He is faithful and righteous to His words, and He will not stop until He gains His kingdom on earth. 

This week I thought I was walking according to the Lord's will by not talking to the guy when he went back to China, because I wanted him to care about me more/commit to me or something. But towards the end of the week, I felt myself exhausted, and so tired. I thought I was walking according to the Lord's will, but even my spirit felt depressed and I had no energy nor power from the supply of the spirit. The enemy kept attacking my whole being, and I even ended up losing the presence of God, and even ate a lot of foods at once to fill the void within.  At that point, when I reached the end of my struggling with the Lord, I finally submitted to His will and texted the guy.  But immediately after I did, I felt such a rest and peace within, and the next day when we finally talked on the phone, my fellowship with the Lord was restored once again.  All the authority of darkness and negative thoughts and lies from the enemy was subjected under the Lord's feet.  I thought I was walking according to the Lord, but I was really in myself, and not willing to submit to the Lord's will until He stripped me utterly of every natural strength and power I had.  Living at that point was so difficult, and exhausting, and I had no energy to study.  But once I submitted to God's will, my strength was renewed, and the Lord's presence came back to me.  This is when I knew that I cannot hinder God even temporarily anymore. I do not want my will to be one with the enemy's will. It's okay for me to text him and contact him, because when I do, I am just following the Lord and His will for us to eventually be together.  In the end, I do see that the Lord was the initiator of this relationship, The Lord was the one behind the scenes, opening every single way for us to interact, for us to get closer, for us to be together.  Even though now we are separated by an ocean, I believe that when God has a way, He will work it out according to His perfect will. Although maybe at some point, man temporarily hinders him by choosing Satan's will, God WILL do something in us human beings to cause us to submit to Him.  The Lord utterly destroyed every confidence I had in myself this week and showed me that apart from Him, I can do nothing.  I need Him to supply me with the spirit everyday.  I need the shining from the Lord more and I just need to come to Him just as I am to receive the present supply of the spirit everyday. 
In my heart, I truly believe that the Lord wants us to be together for some reason.  Although it seems impossible, and so difficult to come, but The Lord is faithful to His will. Because this is all for His kingdom. Actually, in God's eyes, there is no limitation of time.  In His eyes, everything He longs to accomplish has already been done when He died and resurrected and ascended on the cross. Everything negative has been abolished, and NOW He holds the keys of death and of Hades.  This has already been done thousands of years ago. As the church, we just have to declare HIS victory. We have such a glorious future because Christ has chosen us before the foundation of the world.

"...And there were loud voices in heaven, saying, The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of His Christ, and He will reign forever and ever." Rev 11:15

 "...Now has come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ, for the accuser of our brothers has been cast down, who accuses them before our God day and night." Rev 12:10 

God's enemy WILL be defeated, and God's eternal purpose will be fulfilled.  But He NEEDS our cooperation as the church. He cannot do it without the church to bind Satan and destroy his power. The Head has overcome; now the Body must also overcome.  The Lord will do it, but He will not operate without His church, His members of His body to cooperate with Him, in submitting to His will. 

Although in the grand scheme of things, it seems that my relationship stuff is such a small matter in what the Lord is doing in this age and earth. However, without my cooperation in the small daily things, and things I care about like my marriage, God cannot gain the victory over Satan to shame the enemy in what he is doing today.  So if the Lord wants me to deny my natural man, and deny myself in contacting the guy, I am willing Lord. Because if this will bring in your kingdom, to exercise your authority over the enemy, I am willing to lose my soul life in this age. Because at the end of the day, I ONLY want what the Lord's desire is.  He has done it all, and in my eyes, because the Lord has already done it, I also stand with Him and declare the facts, that God's will has already been accomplished on this earth. 

So I declare with the Lord standing behind me, and exercising my will to cooperate with His will:
God will bring us together according to Himself, the guy will meet with the saints in China because God needs him as such a precious member of the Body. The Lord will be the Head of our relationship, and we will be together. No matter if we separate, or how far we are right now, the Lord will operate in the environment to bring us back together. According to His timing, the Lord will release when our engagement will be. The Lord will release when our marriage will be. This has all been ordained by Him Before the foundation of the world, and it's time for the kingdom of the world to become the kingdom of our Lord and of His Christ. 

So I say and declare right now Amen Lord! I submit to your perfect will. Release what you desire to be released. Release this relationship from all the hindrances from Satan. Exercise your righteous authority because You are the head and you are the initiator. You desire that our engagement be released, we be joined together in marriage because it is all for Christ and the church.  The more that I am one with the Lord, the more my eyes are turned away from earthly things, and my mind is set on the heavenly things.  God has done it. He has won the victory. He has gained both me and the guy as a vessel unto honor, and brought us together in marriage for His good pleasure. Praise the Lord for what He has already done in this universe! Satan has NO more ground in both of us and our being. Praise you Lord!

The Lord is my shepherd forever

As I go on living everyday, I am realizing more and more the Lord is my shepherd forever. Although everything outwardly is breaking and decaying, yet my inner man is being renewed day by day. The Lord shepherds me everyday with himself and leads me by waters of rest. Although this past year has been a dealing of itself - so many ups and downs, but through these situations the Lord has become my portion forever. He is so real and so rich for me to enjoy. Now that the guy has left and I moved out of my old place, it just feels like a new beginning. A new start and deeper experiences of Christ. He is leading me and shepherding me all the days of my life. I'm realizing that everything that the Lord take away from me, He replaces it with Himself. He continually is waiting for me to come to Him to allow Him into my mind, emotion and will. I just can't help but to surrender to Him. I don't want to argue anymore. No matter what happens in my future, whether I end up with the guy, whether he actually commits to me through words or not, whether I stay in Pittsburgh after a year or not, my eyes have been opened to see that surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. 

After the guy left I just feel I miss him so much. But I know that the Lord is faithful and will deal with him and gain him for His purpose. So this time away is just for him to gain the Lord. I amen to the Lord and His will no matter how much I'm suffering outwardly. I just miss him so much. But I know that whatever will happen in the future that it's always good. Because in every situation it's always just Christ being added into my being. Christ himself becomes my portion my love and my everything. He shepherds me with himself and leads me besides waters of rest. I'm resting in Him because I know that whatever I go through He is using all of it to gain my being for His heart's desire. 

Therefore I endure all things for the sake of the chosen ones, that they themselves also may obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory. Faithful is the word: for if we died with Him we will also live with Him; if we endure, we will also reign with Him; if we deny Him, He also will deny us; if we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself. 2 Tim 2:10-13

 I believe in God and His promises. What He has spoken He will do. He will release what needs to be released for His kingdom and purpose. If God wants this relationship, He will continue to open no matter if we separate. Even the guy will say something and confirm the relationship with words instead of only actions. It will be clear and he will commit to me. Because this is God's will and He is faithful to His words. Everything I've endured this year is not for me, but for him and his growth in Christ. Although everyday I die, as in my old man, my self, but everyday I'm living by the bountiful supply of the Spirit and in the resurrection of Christ. He is the one supplying me to live my everyday life, just waiting and trusting in his timing, and believing He will work out what He desires. And since this relationship is for His purpose- He will do it. 

💗

Though I love You, Lord,

My life seems all deformed. 

I give my life to You--

Then drift away. 

Lord, may I ask You that You'd draw me yet again,

And keep me running after You.

Lord, I've seen Your purpose. 

Your heart's unveiled to me. 

Now I'd just like to see You gain me fully.

Though You I often limit

And fail by compromise,

Keep me in the index of Your eyes.

Lord, I want Your best.

I want Your full blessing.

I don't want any less,

Though good it be.

Have mercy, Lord, to push, to pull, lay hold of me. 

Keep me still running toward the prize.

Mold me, shape me, Lord.

Be my reality.

Even break my heart,

if it has to be.

I'm desperate, Lord, that You would have Your way with me.

Others could touch You then through me.

Set my heart aflame. 

Don't let me stay the same.

Don't let things remain 

Which now grieve You.

My life I give to You and all I've claimed as mine.

May I just hold, Lord, unto You.

Although I've heard this song growing up, I never felt it so real until now.  I always run after the Lord, and give myself to Him, but every time I drift away. Even though I've seen what His purpose is, and His heart's desire. But I fail constantly. I always love other things even without realizing it. Once it's too late, it seems that a large part of my heart had already been given away.  It isn't until losing it that I realize how near and dear I had held on to it.  I never want the Lord to come in and touch those things. And when the Lord does and says, "This belongs to me. This is not yours to keep for yourself. You must offer it up to me." There's always such a reluctance to give in to the Lord, but in the end, the Lord always always wins. He subdues me through my environment and breaks me absolutely until there is no way for me to go on any longer. 

The Lord has consistently molded, shaped me, and broke my heart over and over again. But I am realizing He is the sovereign one, and He is never wrong in His ways and in what happens in my life. But whatever the Lord decides to do with me, to deal with me, I am just desperate that He would have His way with me.  That He uses these negative situations to burn me and break me totally that He may replace it with Himself. To occupy it totally that I may be a channel for others to touch Him through me.  My natural being has been such a hindrance to the Lord, that the Lord really had to shape me.Now everything I desire, my goals, my aspirations, everything I long and care about, "Don't let things remain Which now grieve You." In the end, everything is temporary, but I'm realizing only God is eternal. 
Only He is everlasting and will never fade away. Nothing can separate us from the love of God, which Christ Himself.   

Although I had reserved some things in my heart for myself, the Lord is continually dealing w/ me in every aspect so I can only say now:

I say Yes and give You full permission

To touch every corner of my heart; 

Break through all the barriers in my being; 

Do not let me withold any part

Tis my joy to give You all the ground, Lord; 

Make my heart a dwelling place for You;

I want You to be at home within me;

Come and settle down in every room.

Lord, do cleanse my heart from all self-seeking

That I'd truly want nothing but Thee;

Let my soul be occupied, possessed, Lord,

That You would be magnified in me. 

Whatever my future may hold, whatever the Lord desires for me, my future is all under his hand. I consecrate my whole being, including my heart entirely to Him and Him alone. 

My life I give to Him and all that I've claimed as mine. .

Lord, I have been drawn off by many things. Lord, turn my heart back to You once again. I repent for loving other things, Jesus Lord, you're my first and you are my best love.  There is none else I desire but You. Occupy me, possess me completely and fill me completely with Yourself. Settle down in every room in my heart. Finally Lord I say Yes and give you the full permission to touch every corner of my heart. Come into all the places I kept for myself, and fill it more with Yourself. Oh how sweet it is to love Him, and Lord, I just can't help but to love you more and more each day. I turn my heart away from everything else and turn my heart completely to the most lovely One. Your beauty does far exceed all others. When I behold you Jesus, you draw my heart completely, I cannot turn away Lord. I rest in your embrace. Time is gone there's only- your holy, matchless presence. Abiding in You, gazing upon your glorious face. I give my life, my future, to you Lord, there is nothing I desire but You. May all my days be yours Lord, my heart be given to love you, treasure you and serve you by your sufficient grace. Lord Jesus, I love you. I just love you. 

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. Matt 5:8

Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of the heavens, Matt 5:3

I will also give you a new heart; and a new spirit I will put within you; and I will take away the heart of stone out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of flesh. And I will put My spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statues, and My ordinances you shall keep and do. Ezek 36:26-27

That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit into the inner man, That Christ may make His home in your hearts through faith, Eph 3:16-17a

And you shall love the Lord your God from your whole heart and from your whole soul and from your whole mind and from your whole strength. Mark 12:30

But as it is written, "Things which eye has not seen and ear has not heard and which have not come up in man's heart; things which God has prepared for those who love Him."

Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, with which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will recompense me in that day, and not only me but also all those who have loved His appearing. 2 Tim 4:8 

 💗

Joy upon joy

Photos from my trip to California:

-my mom and I --> we are like twinz in our flower dresses LOL

-Housemates from undergrad in UC Riverside (can't believe my girl got married!! glad I got to pray with her and hang out with them the entire time of their courtship/aka: dating for marriage hehe)

-My family (aunt/uncle/mom)

-Super cute

-my mom is so cute hahaha she looks so happy here

-my skills of decoration (maybe I should change my major to this instead? LOL jk) I rather open a bakery/coffee shop as a side career in addition to pharmacy

-silly faces with the sisters I met :D (chilling at the Arcadia mall b/c we needed to get samples of foundation from sephora from the bride hahaha)

-My designer idea for a photobooth! Who knew I was so artistic (wow I have so many skills hahahha just kidding :P)

-Look at the steam from the bulgogi!! (2nd birthday dinner :D)

-My super cute green tea with sea salt foam and a cute picture of cat! I forgot what this cat is called again?

-Found this in a cute Japanese shop in the mall, which reminds me a lot of the verse:

"For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife; And the two shall be one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has yoked together, let man not separate." Mark 10:7-9

I'm just happy. Honestly. Whenever I come back to Pittsburgh, and am here with the guy and the Body, I am just happy and resting. I'm realizing that the Lord just wants me to wait upon Him, wait for His timing, His way, and His will.  He has won the victory, and He will not stop until He gains what He is after. He is longing for the New Jerusalem.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Gen 2:24

The footnote says: "Adam and Eve becoming one flesh, one complete unit, is a figure of God and man being joined as one. The coming New Jerusalem will be the eternal union of God and man, a universal couple as a complete unit composed of divinity and humanity." -"This portrays that in the New Jerusalem the proceed and consummated redeeming Triune God as the universal Husband will live a married life with the redeemed, regenerated, transformed, and glorified humanity as the wife, forever."

"And I saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband." Rev 21:2 

Footnote for New Jerusalem: "The New Jerusalem is a living composition of all the saints redeemed by God throughout all generations. It is the bride of Christ as His counterpart and the holy city of God as His habitation, His tabernacle.  As the bride of Christ, the New Jerusalem comes out of Christ, her Husband, and becomes His counterpart, just as Eve came out of Adam, her husband and became his counterpart.
"In her, God will have the fullest satisfaction in love and the utmost rest in expression for eternity."

Wow. Seeing all this, marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church. When I think about the future and the Lord coming back for His redeemed and chosen people in full maturity as a bride, I feel my problems on the earth are not problems anymore.  There's such a release knowing that although outwardly I'm working, studying, eating, drinking, etc. that all these things are just a shadow of the things to come. It's not like we don't have to do anything when we believe in the Lord and just wait for His coming without actively living, but we know our living, our goal, and our hope is for His coming and for His bride.
Marriage is a picture, a shadow of Christ and the church. The Lord is waiting for His bride, the church to be "redeemed, regenerated, transformed, and glorified humanity as the wife, forever." This is our real destiny, our real goal.
When I see this, it makes my worries, concerns about my own future marriage fade away. Whatever is according to the Lord's heart desire, He will accomplish and will not stop until He gains what He is after.  He wants to marry His bride, but He is waiting for us as the church to be transformed.  This requires that we as individuals be transformed first. He wants to spread from our spirit, into our soul-the mind, emotion, and will, and eventually transform us in our body (when He comes back).  But to do this, He requires our cooperation. God will NOT make His home in our heart unless we give Him the ground and opportunity to come in. He won't just invade without our permission. A lot of times human beings are not open and are not willing to be transformed by God, and are not willing to let God make their heart His home.  However, God doesn't give up on His people.
Instead, He works in their environment.  He breaks them, and it's not because He wants them to suffer for no reason, but He breaks them so that He can build himself into them. (Rom 8:28)
Is our heart open to Him that He is able to gain what He is after? Most of the time, no. I can say that I definitely am super resistant to the Lord touching certain things that I hold so dear to my heart. But again and again, the Lord works in my environment and breaks me totally until I'm like, Okay Lord!! I submit to you, I don't want to argue with you anymore. I'm so tired, I allow you to come into that part of my heart. Amen Lord, come in." Immediately, after I submit, I just have so much rest in my heart. It's like when God is satisfied, I am also satisfied.

Especially when the Lord deals with the number 1 thing I care about: future marriage/guys/etc. I think ever since I was young, I was a dreamer. I always imagined what my future husband will be like. Is he going to be a prince and sweep me off my feet like those movies? Is he going to be wonderful and tall and sweet, and do everything right all the time? LOL man, if I could go back and slap myself in the face, I would. It'd be like, girl, grow up and wake up. This isn't real! This is all a dream. But I'm realizing that the Lord's ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. He knows what I need.
The guy I like now is no where near the Prince Charming that I dreamed of when I was growing up. Nope, not even close. But he cares for me in practical ways, and sometimes can be really sweet, but sometimes when he rejects me -it makes me feel hurt/upset/angry. He deals with my outer man the most.  I have been arguing with God for the past year about him, because honestly, with his character, I feel emotionally exhausted and drained playing this game with him and not being clear what our relationship is.  I just want him to take initiative in contacting me, and asking me to go out, like even once.  I feel the problem is that I always ask him to hang out/arrange group hang outs that he never has to do anything or take initiative. I just wish he would text me once in a while, see how I'm doing, or ask me to hang out once in a while. He doesn't though, and I'm just so exhausted of trying so hard for the Lord's desire for us to come.

The Lord though, revealed to me that my working, my doing, etc. were all in myself. Yes, I want the Lord's will and His way to come. But I have to see that God also has a perfect timing for everything.  It's now the time for me to stop doing everything, and wait for him to take the initiative to contact me, ask me to hang out, etc. I was dealt with so much this past year, with leaving to numerous places (never having much peace when I was away), and losing him so many times.  The worst was when I found out he was going back to China.

But now, I'm realizing I'm so glad he's leaving for China.  His natural man and self is hindering the Lord's will, and I believe that the Lord can work in his environment to break him until he submits to the Lord's way. God is patient, and will not stop until He gains what He is after.  If he continues to be so stubborn and resisting God's will, you better believe that God will deal with him and work in his environment.  Honestly, I am not even waiting for him anymore, because I just trust in my Lord. I have faith in Him that if this is His perfect will, God will work in the guy until he gains the Lord, and allows the Lord the ground to work in his heart. But if he was not ordained for me, I am not afraid to move on. I only want what the Lord wants.

"And do not be fashioned according to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and well pleasing and perfect." Rom 12:2

Footnote for transformed: " Transformation is the inward, metabolic process in which God works to spread His divine life and nature throughout every part of our being, particularly our soul, bringing Christ and His riches into our being as our new element and causing our old, natural element to be gradually discharged. As a result, we will be transformed into His image, that is conformed to the image of the firstborn Son of God as His many brothers. Thus we will be suitable for the building up of His Body.  

Footnote for renewing: After presenting our body, we need to have our mind renewed. The renewing of the mind, which results from setting the mind on the spirit, is the base for the transformation of our soul. Our mind is the leading part of our soul, and as it is renewed, our will and emotion automatically follow to be renewed also. To be renewed means that a new element is wrought into our being. 

The Lord wants to transform us, and renew our mind every day to prove what His will is.  His will is good and well pleasing and perfect. If you had told me back in the day that the Lord would give me such a guy like this, I would be like nope, no way. This is not what I want, but I believe the Lord knows the best for me- the one that will transform me and conform me to His image.  The one that can break my outer man, so He can spread into every part. And I believe God will also use outward circumstances in the guy's situation to deal with him until he submits to God's will, just like the Lord dealt w/ me.

There are 2 weeks left before he leaves- I want to spend time with him, but he has to realize that I won't keep taking the initiative to do something outward because I don't want to hinder the way God wants to accomplish His purpose (that is, if God wants us together for His economy.) The guy needs to learn to take initiative, but I believe God has His timing and His ways.
Everything in the end after all, is for the New Jerusalem.
And if we do end up together, our marriage is for Christ and the church.

One last verse: "Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Eph 5:25

Lord, have your way. Transform us through the environment for the building up of Your body. Cause us to take you as our Head, and spread throughout every part of our heart.  Renew our mind every day to walk in You to take you as our Head.  Lord, everything you do is for New Jerusalem. Uplift our view to see what you are doing in this age.  To set our mind on the things which are above, where Christ is sitting in the heavenlies.  Work out what you desire for your Bride. I consecrate my marriage to you, believing that whatever you desire for me is for your church.  Lord, You are able. Praise you Lord for your faithfulness and your patience for waiting for your Bride to be ready. Lord, we are willing to give you the ground. Transform your church until she becomes the most beautiiful bride that you may be satisfied. Lord, we await your return. Come quickly, Lord Jesus. 

Trusting

Lord, I come to you. I need you tonight. I need you desperately. Become my life and my everything. Become my first love and only love. You are the desire of my heart, and there is none on heaven nor on earth that I desire but you. Lord Jesus, I just want to love you back, with my whole heart, with my whole soul, and my whole strength. I lay everything I desire, my goals, my dreams, my aspirations on the altar. Burn away everything that does not belong to you. Burn away my natural man- everything of my self. Lord, I am willing to experience the death of the cross that your resurrection life may come out. Whatever you like to do in my life, I amen to you. I consecrate my whole being, especially my heart, entirely to you. I want nothing else in this world but you. You are my treasure, and you are my heart's desire. 

I'm realizing everyday more and more how much I need my Lord Jesus.  He is my only hope and my only dream.  Everything else will fade away. Everything else in my life is just a shadow. But I know my Lord is always there for me, no matter what.
I just feel like I'm so tired of trying so hard to accomplish God's will according to my own strength. I cannot do this anymore. Just like I wrote in my last blog post about my feelings for the guy, it just feels like he doesn't care or even want this at all. So it's kind of like why am I trying so hard when he's not fighting for me at all? What is the point of all this? On the one hand, I still feel the Lord is the initiator and wants this relationship, but on the other hand, God doesn't want me to do anything in myself anymore. The Lord doesn't want me to keep asking him to go out, to keep pushing him and pressuring him to be with me. I just feel now is the time to stop completely my every doing, actions in trying to get this guy to be with me. I'm learning to wait upon Jehovah, and rest in Him.
I'm realizing that no matter what happens in the future, God is sovereign. His ways are higher than my ways. Even if this guy decides to leave to china, I say amen. I am willing to let him go back. The guy is not my hope, and he is not my goal in life.  At least in that day I can say to the Lord, I am your faithful slave, and I have done your will.

"But if the servant plainly says, I love my master, my wife, and my children; I will not go out free; Then his master shall bring him to God and shall bring him to the door or to the doorpost, and his master shall bore his ear through with an awl; and he shall serve him forever." Exo 21:5-6

Footnote 5 for love: "Love is the motive and prerequisite for a slave's continued service. The Lord Jesus loved the Father (His Master), the church (His wife), and all the believers (His children). Motivated by such a love, He was willing to be a slave. All who believe in Christ, belong to Him, and have His serving life should take Him as their pattern."

I still can praise you Lord for every situation, because I love you. I only love you. I love my master, and I will not go out free. I want to serve you forever and ever.

Although it's so hard to let go of him- as in to let him go back to China- I feel it's time for me to stop. Stop trying so hard. Stop taking so much action. Stop using my natural strength to get him. Stop asking him to go out with me. Stop caring so much. Stop using ways to get him to stay in the US. Stop trying to convince him to be with me.  I want him to want to be with me, not to be forced to be with me. 

But I'm realizing that him going to china is not the end of the world and it's not the end of a future together. If God opens a door, no one can shut it. Not even with the distance and separation. I think there's a phrase which says separation makes the heart grow fonder. If that's the case, I'm happy he's leaving back to china to try to figure out his next career move -maybe it'll get him to miss me more haha. I just always pray that wherever he goes, he is preserved always in the church life and body, because wherever the body is, there the real home is. There is rest and joy when you're with the other members of the Body. The Lord needs every member of the Body and even if they are young in life, every member is indispensable. God NEEDS him for the building up of the Body. He is such a precious member of the body, whether he believes it or not. I rest in the Lord completely because I believe no matter how far we are, no matter where we go, what the future may hold, that if God wants us to be together He will open the way. Plus it's like in this age with all the technology it's not like you can't contact each other on a regular basis lol. Look at all the social media options nowadays. It's so easy and simple. Where there is a will, there is a way. I feel I am just waiting for the Lord, waiting for His timing, trusting that He can and will open this relationship up. Because this relationship is for his Body, for God's interest His good pleasure, His heart's desire for a corporate built up bride, and for His move and testimony on this earth. During the Memorial Day Conference, they said "where the building is there is the spiritual warfare". Satan has continually tried to hinder us from being together through outward circumstances. Satan even uses both of us sometimes especially by injecting lies in our mind to attack us. Satan will say these lies: "there's no way that we can be together if we separate" or "he/she doesn't even care about you- why should you wait for God timing" or "if he leaves to china you will never have a future together". LIES. ALL ARE LIES FROM SATAN. This is what I've been always thinking for the past 3 months. Satan is a liar and he's the father of it. I declare that I don't believe in his lies any longer. God is on the throne and as his Body we have ascended with him to the highest place in the universe. We are in the heavenlies with him.  God has a way to work in this relationship, in both of our hearts and to even bring us together again. Because this is all for His body. For his church and his building, His dwelling place. 

It's time for me to stop looking at this relationship in an outward fashion, or to see it according to how it's been going so far. The Lord showed me I need to set my mind on the things which are above, not the things in the earth. or be so emotional in trusting the outward situations and base my living on my feeling.  It's time for me to stand one with the Lord- to declare the facts and claim what the Lord has obtained and attained-He is the Lord and Head over all things to the church. He has attained the highest place in the universe and is seated at the right hand of God in the heavenlies, far above all rule, authority, power and lordship. How much more can the Lord work out this relationship for the church. He will do it according to His perfect will because the body is one with the head in the heavens. God will not stop until He gains a group of people for His good pleasure. And if relationship is for His good pleasure, and for His interest, then I support and stand with Him in believing that this relationship will work out. 

Whatever happens in the future though, I can say I still love my Lord Jesus. 

"Whom do I have in heaven but You? And besides You there is nothing I desire on earth. My flesh and my heart fail, but God is the rock of my heart and my portion forever." Psa 73:25-26 

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." Matt 5:8

Lord I don't go along with the present situation. I disagree with Every Lie from the enemy. I believe only in your promises because You are the one who is in the heavenlies. As your body we are in the heavenlies with You and we take the ground of your Ascension and claim your lordship over the present situation. I agree with You Lord for your ways. I won't allow Satan to interfere into my thoughts any longer. Renew my mind.  Praise the Lord that You will work everything out according to your good pleasure- including our relationship. I offer up all the Praises To You. Praise you that he is leaving to China and praise you that you have a way to arrange the circumstances for us to be together, according to your perfect will, your perfect timing, and your perfect way. I praise you because today Jesus is still Lord.

Memorial Day Conference Msg 5

The Formation of a Corporate Joshua to Possess the Good Land by Defeating the Satanic Forces

• When we talk about the spiritual warfare, we are fighting this warfare for God's interest- for the interest of the good land. For God to gain His expression and dominion on this earth.
• The good land, the land of Canaan, is a type of the all-inclusive Christ, the Christ who is all and in all and who is everything to us. There is a wonderful type of the good land. this is the ultimate type of Christ. This good land is to be everything to us. 
• "The allotted portion of the saints"; portion is the all-inclusive Christ for our enjoyment. We apply this all inclusive Christ to the experience of the saints. For us to possess and gain. 
• We need to walk in this good land-we are rooted in Him. Being built up in Him. Christ is likened to the soil. We are rooted in Him. In which we have been placed. We are built up in this land, rooted in this land. 
• Christ, the reality of the type of the good land, is everything to us. 
• Christ is not only to be our savior, Lord, master, but everything to us. 
• Their whole existence is related to the land. They were eating, drinking- the land was everything to God's people. God uses his land to typify this Christ should be everything to us. We live by Him, we drink Him, we breathe Him, we live by Him. Everything we do, are involved in is about this Christ.
• God's goal is for us to gain the all-inclusive Christ. That this Christ will become everything to us. 
• In this one new man, it is about the one new man. There is only one person in our midst: Christ who is all and in all. If we do not have this reality of experiencing this Christ to be our everything and our all in all, we are still short of what the one new man is. 
• In our daily life, is Christ our food, our drinking, conduct, ? Can we say that this Christ is everything for us? This burden of the one new man- He needs to gain this burden in us. Do we allow him to grow up into Him in all things, for Christ to become our everything? 
• If we would possess the good land, we must engage in warfare to defeat the satanic forces. God charged them to grow up and fight against. The land that God promised us is a land flowing with milk and honey, but it is a land also filled with enemies. In order to possess we need to fight our way into it. 
• Even the day we were saved, we have been engaged in a spiritual warfare. We should not think that spiritual warfare only happens outwardly. These enemies are not outside enemies, but inward adversaries. Always trying to defeat us, and defraud us going forward from gaining Christ. 
• If we have this view, we have a different perspective of fighting the warfare. We need to engage in this warfare to defeat the satanic forces. 
• The spiritual warfare is in our daily life. Satan is doing his utmost to hinder us from enjoying Christ as the all-inclusive one. He will do whatever he can to keep us from enjoying Christ as the all inclusive One. Our fighting is here. Right in your thoughts and concept are these things to frustrate you and distract you from enjoying Christ from the all-inclusive one. 
• 1st tactic used by the enemy: The enemy blinding us from seeing the all inclusive Christ, but not to see Christ in his all inclusiveness. The God of this age has blinded the thoughts of the unbelievers. 
• God will give us a spirit of wisdom and revelation that we may see- our eyes being enlightened. To open their eyes, turn them from darkness to light, from the authority of Satan to God. A lot of the battle takes place in our mind. This enemy is not that far from us. Many of the thoughts we take in. For the bringing forth of  the new man, we need to be renewed in the spirit of our mind. 
• The warfare seems so unnoticeable, quiet but there is a struggle going on. The enemy veiled us with these 4 layers veils. 
• 1st layer: Our natural life: we were born in our natural life-our ethnicity. We were raised in our culture- causing us to behave and think in a certain way. We were educated in certain philosophies. We were saved in religion.
• Christ is our good land, and God wants us to gain Christ, but there is a layer of devilsh, demonic forces between us and the good land. If we would take possession of the good land for our enjoyment, we must defeat these satanic forces.  God has given this man to us, this is our inheritance. We need to be rooted, allowing this Christ to make his home in our hearts-be rooted in Him as this good land. 
• Everyday by receiving our roots into this land, absorbing all his riches, we are strengthened- may be full of strength to apprehend all the dimensions of Christ. We need to be strengthened.
• We cannot be wishy washy, we need to be strong.  Lord, I want to gain more of you. It's not good enough to be tranquil, resting, having Christ increase in us to be our all and our everything? 
• Anti-Christ is not just against Christ, but it's also things which may take the place of Christ- instead of Christ. Not only to be against Christ, but to substitute Christ. 
• We need to be strengthened to be today's Joshua and Caleb. To reject not only the things which are opposing Christ, but substituting to Christ.
• Without Joshua book, we cannot understand the spiritual warfare in Eph 6:10-20: 
• God brought them through many things- From Genesis to Deut. God has gained a group of people separated from the world, who will gain this purpose of inheriting the good land. In Joshua, everything is ready, just like Eph 1. 
• Josh 1 presents this situation
• God needs to gain a proper person for the bringing forth of Christ: Rahab. Rahab by faith she became one of the enjoyers of the good land. 
• We have now become the proper person for Christ to be brought forth to enter into the good land. 
• The enemy hates this conference- especially when the msg touches the defeating of God's enemy- Satan hates this. There are things going on in the spiritual realm that are invisible. There seems to be a delay in the answering, but there seems to be a delay in the battle of the scene. There is a spiritual warfare taking place in the invisible realm. 
• There is a spiritual warfare in the invisible scene BEHIND the visible scene means that in addn to war on the earth, there is a war between God and Satan.
• Eph 2: in the heavenlies there are different layers 
• Christ is in the highest layer, the 3rd heaven, to be our everything as ourr good land
• Lower layer: the air where Satan as the ruler of the authority of the air is frustrating the people on earth from contacting God and receiving Christ, this is typified by teh Canaanites, who were frustrating Israel from entering the good land. 
• Behind our natural life are the forces of evil to frustrate us from taking possession of the good land. Our natural life is the SOURCE of our sins. Those who live according to the natural life are sinning continually-whether it is good or evil. We must hate it, and be willing to drive it out. 
• We must fight against and defeat the satanic forces in order to gain more of Christ for the building up of the Body of Christ. We want to defeat the enemy to gain Christ. The gaining of Christ is God's purpose for us. 
• In order to possess the good land and defeat the satanic forces, we need to be formed into a corporate Joshua. This fighting is not against flesh and blood, but against these spiritual forces, especially these enemies within us. 
• They must partake of the passover, leave Egypt (the world), have the tabernacle established in your living (having the testimony of God in our life- a practical church life with the testimony), experience Christ as the reality of all the offerings, experience Christ as our High Priest, participating as the priesthood. --> how to be 
• 5 Qualifications to be Part of the Army:
• You must have a lineage in God's family- Not anyone can just drop in. 
• You must be 20 years of age - you need to have growth in life. 
• Everyone must be under his own standard. -You don't have any choices in what tribe you are, aka what church locality you are in. 
• We must be put into a proper order. This implies submission. For the formation of this army, there needs to be the exercise of the Lord's arrangement.
• We need to be fresh and young. The old has to be buried. 
• Christ is ready to be taken and possessed by His believers. He is ready, but are we ready??
• The Lord has a goal to reach: a people that will enter into the good land to build the temple and city for his kingdom. 
• Why are we still here? 
• Equipping, perfecting our mixed generation for the readying for the entering of the good land .
• We have to exercise the initiative to stand one with God's word to take the land. This requires us to deny ourselves, our passivity, and all the things that try to hold us back, and render the Lord our cooperation. To take the land- we are told that as God's people enter into the land to defeat all those tribes, God told them he will not drive out all the tribes all at once. Even though we have to defeat all the satanic forces, the natural life, and the self, God will wipe out these enemies little by little. If all the tribes are wiped out, we aren't ready to fill the land. We will not defeat the natural life all by ourselves.
• The more we grow in the Lord, the more extent the defeat of the enemy will be. It requires our cooperation to be active passive.
• Joshua is the Hebrew word for Jesus. He is the one who would lead us into the good land.  
• After being formed, constituted, disciplined, trained, and qualified, God's people had come to the plains of Moab, where they were waiting to enter into the good land, to take it and possess it. 
• The Lord is preparing us to be a corporate Joshua. All together we are being equipped, and we are being ready to become a corporate Joshua for the taking of the land.
• The formation of the children of Israel into an army to fight for God typifies the New testament believers' being built up into the organic Body of Christ to fight for the carrying out of His economy.
• God's army, a corporate Joshua, was prepared and ready to take the good land under the blessing of God in Hi Divine Trinity and also under the blessing of Moses, the man of God.We are under the blessing of the Triune God. We enjoy God as the Father as the source of all the blessing, Christ the Son as the embodiment, and enjoy the Life-giving spirit to flow out to reach us. We are under the blessing of the Triune God to encourage us to go forward, to possess the land. 
• Deut 33: God will still enable his chosen people to enter into the rich Christ. This is God's success, and the boast and glory belong to no one but Him. God is able to bring His people into the good land.  It is NOTHING of us. He is the one to take us in.
• We rise up to cooperate with Him. We say Yes Lord, we will be one w/ you for the entering of the good land.
• The Lord's recovery is uniquely for the bringing forth of Christ so that this Christ will be everything for God's people. We are just a group of people to enter into the good land, to possess this land, for this all inclusive Christ to be everything to us. We are not here to be today's Christian movement. We are just here to be purely for God's interest. For the defeat of Satan for God can be all and in all for us. 
• We only have one person: Christ who is all and in all. He is readying us into this corporate Joshua. This is a corporate built up body. We cannot go on into the good land as individuals. 
• We need to be those who have another spirit like Joshua and Caleb. We should not be afraid of the difficulties of the enemies.
• We must be those that follow faithfully God's word (Josh 1:8). We need to be faithful to God's word.
• We must be those who are one w/ our God, and God one w/ us. Wherever you go, I shall be with you. 
• God is still with us. The sense is corporate, we are not many separate individuals. We are faithful in continuing in his word, and enjoy his presence, and his being one w/ us all the time. 
• 4 fold responsibilities: 
• Preach the gospel to sinners
• Concerning Satan, there is a spiritual warfare.
• Concerning the church, we need to hold fast to what we see today.
• Concerning Christ, we exalt Christ that He be all and in all. 

Memorial Day Conference Msg 6

The Prayer of the Age to Fulfill God's Economy and the Sacrifice of Praise to Display Christ's Victory

• To have a spirit of faith, to see what is really going on in the universe. Everything that happens on this earth is just a reflection of what is really happening. What is really happening is this warfare between God and His enemy. 
• God has raised up the church to deal with His enemy to bring in His kingdom. 
• Praise is eternal. Prayer has an endpoint. Prayer has a destination: praise. Praise in God's entire economy is higher than prayer. 
• We need to look at what has been ministered to us this weekend. The work in God's economy (to build up the church) is a warfare. This work of God to build up the church in itself is a warfare. As we are here endeavoring to build up the Body of Christ, we are engage in a warfare. 
• This work in a warfare. This work is a warfare because Satan's will is set against God's will. The church is in the middle. We can say the spiritual warfare has its source in the divine will and the satanic will. Every decision we make has to do with that conflict. How we align our will with the divine will with the satanic will?
• God wants man, his creature to deal w/ satan. 
• The human will MUST stand with the divine will and fight against the satanic will. We are in a warfare and God's will is at stake. Our will is key. Our will line up with God's will to subdue the satanic will.
• His will be done on earth and His kingdom will be done. The kingdom of God is to exercise that divine will to overflow the power of satan by the power and authority of God.
• All spiritual work is a warfare. There is no such thing as working without fighting. You are fighting by being engaged in God's work. 
• Don't be afraid. We know that God is with us. Christ is the victor. Jesus is Lord. 
• When we fight, we are with the victor whose leading the fight. We join Him, and share His position, and His authority. 
• Whatever touches the spiritual realm, is in the nature of warfare. The nature of the church is warfare. What hinders the gospel is not outward environment is the satanic power of darkness. The reason for all the confusion and conniving is Satan.
• We don't agree with Satan. We are one with God, we are for God's will. We don't deal with things on the surface. We are not only in resurrection, but in ascension. 
• We deal with the power of darkness that schemes behind these things and reigns on the earth. 
• The church has a commission. The commission is not even given to the angels, but given to men, the church. How important the church is. That is why Satan hates the church because it will cause his end.
• Among the children of God, there are not enough that are fighting the spiritual warfare. 
• We are not watchful because we think we can take a break. This is why Satan still rules and active in the air and on the earth. 
• Why are we covering the spiritual warfare now?
• There is an element of warfare even as we love the Lord. When we tell the Lord we love Him, it means we will fight with Him. 

The need is that we would transcend. The prayer of the age is the prayer of the church. This prayer exercises the authority of Christ. 

 That the ^1aGod of our Lord Jesus Christ, the ²Father of glory, may give to you a ^3bspirit of ^4cwisdom and ^drevelation in the ^efull knowledge of Him, Eph 1:17

• All this is to the church. We are on a receiving end that all Christ obtained. All that is given to him. His overruling power, His transcending power, His position in the highest place, His enthronement as the Lord and leader, His all subjecting power that subjects every creeping thing under His feet. The prayer of the age is the prayer of the church.-the fulfillment of God's economy.
• Don't look at the church w/ your eyes. 
• To enter into this kind of prayer, we need this kind of heavenly vision to see something beyond our natural concept.
• Lord, unveil me. Let me see through my own concepts. Help me to see what is Your concepts. 
• Ascension of Christ:
• the entire work of redemption has been completely accomplished.
• The lordship of Christ has been established. Christ was the Lord, and King but as a man.
• We need to see the heavenly fact. LEAVE YOUR FEELING BEHIND-STICK TO THE FACTS.--> Christ has been exalted by God, established as the Lord of the universe, made Head over all things to the church. All things are under His feet, and everything that He has obtained and attained is being transmitted to the church, which is His body.
• Speak the facts to the devil. NOT conversation. Read the facts to him directly.
• Faith needs to be nourished by the word of God. Not by feeling. Do not go to feeling. Go to the word. 
• Church's position as the Body of Christ. The church is the Body of Christ. We are His body. This is reality. Where He is, there we are. We are with Him in the heavenlies right now. Our spirit is connected to the throne.  The position of the Body is exactly the same as the Head.

And what is the surpassing greatness of His ^1apower toward us who believe, ²according to the ^boperation of the ^cmight of His strength, 20 Which He caused to operate in Christ in ^1araising Him from the dead and ^2bseating Him at His ³right hand in the ^4cheavenlies, 21 Far above all ^1arule and authority and power and lordship and ²every ^bname that is named not only in this ^cage but also in that which is to come; 22 And He ^1asubjected all things under His feet and ²gave Him to be ^bHead over all things ³to the ^4cchurch, 23 Which is His ^1aBody, the ^2bfullness of the One who ^3cfills all in all. Eph 1:19-23

• Faith needs to be nourished by the word of God. Not by feeling. Do not go to feeling. Go to the word. 
• We rightly assume the authority of the church. The only way we subdue Satan is by authority. Authority > Power.
• It's time that the church exercises this authority. We must exercise this authority. 
• Prayer of the church as the Body of Christ: 
• Not individual believers, but prayer of the church as the Body of Christ. Physically by ourselves, in our room, but spiritually, one w/ the Body. 
• Ie: Daniel: Even though he was by himself, his heart was for Jerusalem. He was praying for God's interest on the earth-for Him to gain His house, His city, and the land.
• We need to pray these kind of prayers. Can you imagine what will happen tomorrow when these kind of prayers happen?
• This kind of prayer is not begging to do something. Instead, we CLAIM what the Lord has obtained and attained. 
• Christ has ALREADY obtained the lordship and headship. He is the Lord and Head over all things to the church.
• Christ has ATTAINED the highest place in the universe; He has been raised from the dead and is seated at God's right hand in the heavenlies, far above all rule, and power, and lordship in the universe. --> This is our BASE, and we claim this reality and pray from that.
• Lord, we do not go along with the present situation; as Your Body, we take the ground of Your ascension and CLAIM your lordship over your present situation.
• Lord, open the way for you to rule and come in and work. Lord, we claim what you have already attained. Lord, I declare you are victor. You are in ascension. We are in the Body. The Body is in the Head, and the Head are transcendent and so are we. We are in transcendency in the heavenlies. This is the place where we fight. 
• We can tell all the negative things: "DO NOT bother me. Go to the lake of fire!!!! I am transcendent. You cannot touch me. You are under my feet." 
• Prayer causes us to be one with the heavens, and one w/ the throne, and one w/ God. We have the authority to bind and loose what has ALREADY been bound and loosed in the heavens. We need to realize that the Body is ONE with the Head in the heavens.
• The church is built upon a rock, and this rock is the ascended Christ. The gates of Hades cannot prevail against the church.
• The moment we lose our guard, this is the moment we cannot enter in this kind of prayer. We need to live, act, and move in the Body. In our DAILY life we must always put off the old man, and put on the new man by being renewed in the spirit of our mind; the new man is composed of the Head with the Body, Christ with the church.
• Praise is the highest work carried out by God's children.
• Prayer led them to a transcendent state. Thanksgiving is a form of praise, giving thanks to God. We need more of this in our meetings. Look up! Look beyond your situation and yourself. Look at the throne and God! Sing praises to Him! 
• God's throne is the HIGHEST point in the universe. 
• Especially when we are going through the valley of shadow of death, we can praise Him. God's name and God Himself is exalted through praise. 
• When you praise Him, God can be enthroned by our praise. 
• The Christian life is a soaring life, a flying life, because we mount on eagle's wings. Because Jehovah is our strength, and we are seated with Him in the heavenlies. Lord, I want to soar with you in the heavenlies. Praise you Lord!! You have already won the victory!! 
• Christian life soars through praises; to praise is to transcend everything to touch the Lord.

Saying, ^a"I will ¹declare Your name to My brothers; in the midst of the ²church ³I will sing hymns of praise to You.'' Heb 2:12

12³ This is the firstborn Son's praising of the Father within the Father's many sons in the church meetings. When we, the many sons of God, meet as the church and praise the Father, the firstborn Son praises the Father in our praising. It is not that He praises the Father apart from us and alone; rather, He praises within us and with us through our praising. In our singing He sings hymns of praise to the Father. If then we do not sing, how can He sing? The more we sing to the Father, the more we enjoy His presence, His moving, His anointing, and His life-imparting within us. Thus we will grow in Him and be brought into His glorification above all.

• Through Him then let us offer up a sacrifice of praise continually to God, that is, the fruit of lips confessing His name" 
• The book of Psalm is a book of praise, but the Psalm contains chapters not only of praises but also of sufferings. God wants His people to know that the praising ones are the very ones who have been led through trying situations and whose feelings have been wounded, yet God perfected praises out of these ones.
• For us who are suffering, that they don't even understand, it's harder to praise. But it's out of the environment, that will create a deeper part of praise. 
• Praise comes from suffering, pain and loss. God desire His children to praise Him through everything and in every situation. The nature of praise is an offering, a sacrifice. You don't understand this, you have no ways to reason or rationalize, you can only use faith and look at God and praise Him.
• You praise Him for what you don't understand. --> Principle of a sacrifice and offering. Nothing matures us like this kind of praise. It is in these moments we are being stripped, but being matured. 
• Loudest praise comes from the ones who are passing through harrdships, adverse environments, downtrodden feelings. This kind of praise is most pleasing to God and is blessed by Him.
• Praise is the way to display Christ's victory and overcome spiritual attacks: 
• Whenever we praise, Satan flees. We need this reality. The ultimate goal of Satan is to stop all praises to God. 
• Paul and silas, while praying sangs hymns of praise to God. 
• Even though they were shut in an inner jail of the Roman Empire, 
• Whenever you run out of strength to pray and you find your spirit heavily oppressed, wounded, sagging; praise Him. If you cannot pray, try to praise. 
• When you encounter unusual circumstances and problems and are bewildered and feel like collapsing, just remember one thing: Why not praise?"; if you offer you praise at that moment, God's Spirit will operate in you, open all the doors, and break all the chains. 
• Every time you encounter a problem, you should pray for mercy that you would stop manipulating and plotting and that you would learn the lesson of praising instead; much warfare can be won by praise. 
• Praise will last for eternity. It will never cease. 
• A person who praises God transcends everything; he overcomes continually by his praise; this is a principle and a fact. 
• To Praise is to glorify God; God is worthy of all glory; may God gain abundant praises from His children.
• The One new man is needed for the building work of God. The new man for warfare, for building, and constitution.