7.2.09: blah, summer school.

Today, I watched a WWII movie.
Wow, I don't feel a need to talk about it.
All I know it was scary,
Well I think so anyways. I'm not exactly sure, I looked away for like the entire movie.
One thing is I hate dead people, disfigured people, injured people, people on stretchers, people wrapped up on stretchers, people flipped off of the stretchers into the ocean, people getting bombed, & pretty much everything that has to do with dead something.
OH YEAH, and burnt people,
I pretty much looked at my teacher's coke cup from Costco the entire time.
Yes I know I am pathetic.
Even my bestfriend says so. But I dont give a fuck.
Well, it was pretty funny, cuz after the first dead person I saw, or actually wrapped up person who was dead, I tried to find places to look for instead of the TV. I looked at the door.
way too close . On the corner of my eye I could see the DEADNESS.
So I looked all over, looked at my bag, texted, looked at the movie for a minute,
heard the word casualties, dead, dying, 200,000, hurt, injured
and looked back.
at the good ole NOT dead coke cup from costco.
Eeee It was a good feeling to know that Coke IS NOT alive, so IT CANNOT DIE.
phewww.
It relieved me. Hearing bombings, and the word dead is enough.
I remember when I was a young girl, my brothers would always like the WWII movies. One of them were called,
Pearl Harbor.
So I watched it, and there was this part where the people were burned and walking like they were dead, and the nurses couldn't help them and they were going to be abandoned on the ship,
wow that freaked me out.
Another time was when there were hands sticking out the ship, and it was sinking because it was bombed by the Japanese kamikazi , so they couldn't get out ,
and I just knew they were going to die, no matter how much their hands and themselves wanted to leave.
They couldn't.
And it was one the scariest things I've ever seen.
Yeah I know it's pretty pathetic.
But, I'm jsut scared of Lame stuff like that.
And also Holocaust. Laying dead bodies.
EEEEEHHEHEHEEHEHEHEHHESJDL:AJK:LDKFJ; lakjsdl;k j;a
It just freaks me out.
and my heart beats a little faster.
and I look away.
BAH, I'm scared of like dead, and everything.
I have NO idea how life is gonna be like when I become a doctor.
wow, I dont know how i'm gonna past that test where we have to pretend to operate on dead people. wait, it's NOT PRETEND. IT"S REAL DEAD PEOPLE.
Maybe, I'll just give up my life dream.
Maybe. I'll just become ...
a monk.
& live out in the middle of nowhere,
then I dont have to see dead.
people.
on .
the .
operating.
bed.
who.
are.
dead.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I am a normal person. with a normal mind.
Seriously.
Don't you believe me??'
What ? Why are you looking at me that way.
OF COURSE I"M NORMAL.
Just because I dislike dead things, and get turned on by fat men ,
doesn't mean I'm not normal. 

I think it is.

I'm the average 16 year old girl.
I really am.